***The Official Miami Dolphins Thread***

[333]

Take it from someone what has watched Daunte up close since he came into the league. This is his normal mode. He has sometimes broken into his secondary mode, and looked great, but tha't the exception. I'm guessing his knee injury will only contribute to his form, at least for this year.

[CosmonautLaunchPad]

thedean said:

I agree with 333. Culpepper isn't in "last season injury mode." He's just BAD.

Check my message. I said he's in "last season BEFORE the injury mode, or in other words, HE SUCKS. But so does Gay P Lossman.

[wutang]

I think Culpepper and Moss were just soul mates. I think you are going to have to trade us Dante or we are going to have to trade you Moss for either one of them to be productive again.

[s dot carter]

wutang said:

I think Culpepper and Moss were just soul mates. I think you are going to have to trade us Dante or we are going to have to trade you Moss for either one of them to be productive again.

Speaking of sucking, Wu, you're a Raiders fan too?? You really are a thug.

[s dot carter]

[doogiehowsermd]

It doesn't matter about your shitbag teams....my Bears are, to steal a line from LL Cool J, "doin it and doin it and doin it well". 2-0 and putting points up like its the reincarnation of the '85 Bears. Is that Brian Urlacher or Mike Singletary playing middle linebacker? Tommie Harris since when did you start playing like Richard Dent in his prime? Mike Brown, you must have gotten a ton of tips from your Coach Ron Rivera to play safety like he used to . Bottom line is boys, October 8th is gonna be a long day in Chi-Town for the "Loss-man" and his band of second rate players. My prediction: Chicago 24 Buffalo 6.

[vinnypunditsheros]

Nah. By that time, Grossman will have had his annual season-ending injury.

[s dot carter]

Yea, plus the Bears have beaten those powerhouse Lions and Packers teams. Basically, they've played two high school teams so far. I wouldn't get too excited yet

[doogiehowsermd]

Grossman is over his spell of pussyitis and their defense is nasty. I am looking for big things this year.

[s dot carter]

Living in Daunte's inferno

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Bill Simmons
Page 2

Thanks to an overflow of panicked fantasy owners in California, we had to hold our weekly Daunte Culpepper Roto Support Group meeting at the Staples Center on Wednesday night. Nearly 14,000 people showed up, shattering the old record of 9,500 from last season. It's always a sobering crowd. You can't imagine how much damage Daunte has inflicted over the past two seasons until you see everyone crammed in one place.


I kicked things off by standing on a makeshift stage, leaning into the microphone and saying, "My name is Bill, and I'm a recovering Daunte Culpepper owner." Everyone said hello. You could feel the warmth.


Then I told everyone my story: Last season, Daunte destroyed my West Coast fantasy team. Co-owner T-Man and I had taken him in the second round. We were expecting big things. He ended up obliterating our season -- six TDs and 12 INTs in six weeks, followed by Daunte blowing out his knee in 35 places in Week 7 and leaving us for dead. We never recovered. And naturally, we vowed never to take him again.


And that's when fate intervened: Daunte was traded to the Dolphins, T-Man's favorite team. The T-Man can't think rationally when Dolphins are involved; he always ends up overvaluing them for fantasy purposes and saying stuff during drafts like, "I know it's early, but I'll tell you who I love right here: Marty Booker!" We all have friends like this. He knew we could never pick Daunte again, not after what happened, but heading into this year's draft, T-Man was super-excited about grabbing Chris Chambers with our third-round pick (No. 22 overall). I found myself getting excited about Chambers as well -- after all, Culpepper couldn't be worse than the Triple-F's (Fiedler, Feeley and Frerotte), right? Playing with a QB with a big arm, it seemed logical that Chambers would become a top-five receiver.

Only one thing worried me: By picking Chambers, we would be indirectly linked with Culpepper again. Deep down, I was hoping someone else would take him. Nobody did. We landed Tomlinson and Harrison in the first two rounds, and just as we anticipated, Chambers was sitting there at 22. It was down to him and Terrell Owens. Neither of us wanted to root for T.O; both of us wanted to root for Chambers. As an aside, this is always dangerous logic when you're picking a roto team -- you can't play favorites, not ever -- but we didn't care. We took Chambers to a barrage of muffled "nice picks!" from the room.


The T-Man and I slapped hands. We were about to enter another season of fantasy hell.


Fast-forward to last Sunday: Miami is losing to Buffalo at home. For the second straight week, Culpepper (about 30 pounds lighter, although much like with Carson Daly, this isn't necessarily a good thing) looks "Chevy Chase Show"-level uncomfortable running the West Coast offense, which relies on timing and precision, two things for which Daunte has never been known. He's taking bad sacks, getting rid of the ball too soon, short-arming sidearm passes and making weird faces after every incompletion, kinda like how someone looks when they're sitting in an airplane and someone else farts -- not when they first smell the odor, but the look about five seconds later, when the smell isn't going away. It's a look that says, "This stinks, I feel sick, I'm trapped." That was Culpepper. With every poor decision, he was giving the Bills life.


Things crested near the end of the first half, when the Fins had driven inside the 20 (finally) and Culpepper rolled to his right to escape the rush, couldn't find anyone and decided to throw the ball away ... only he threw it right to a Bills linebacker who was falling out of bounds. I'm not sure whether this was the single worst pass in NFL history, but it was definitely in the top five. And watching the other Dolphins jog incredulously off the field while Culpepper made the Stale Fart Face, three things became abundantly clear:


1. I would be losing all three of my two-team teasers with Miami in Week 2 ... which I deserved for wagering on Culpepper using the always dubious "he's not so bad that he could lose to J.P. Losman at home, right?" logic. Any time your gambling logic includes the words "he's not so bad that ...", it's probably a good sign to stay away. Whatever. As long as Art Shell remains an NFL head coach, I will not be losing money this season overall. Daunte was just cutting into my profit margin. A lesson learned.

2. Despite receiving more preseason hype than Katie Couric and "Dancing with the Stars" combined, the 2006 Dolphins would not be making the playoffs.


3. Everyone who drafted Chris Chambers as a top-25 guy was potentially screwed. As in, "not only is he relatively worthless, but he's not even a big enough name that we can talk someone else into trading for him" screwed. This news was decidedly undelightful. And if you think I was distraught, imagine poor T-Man, who had Daunte killing his fantasy team AND his real team and actually screamed the words, "I swear to God, it looks like he's throwing this game on purpose!" on Sunday.


Anyway, I finished my tale of woe, absorbed the applause from the 14,000 on hand and asked if anyone had questions. Paul from Santa Monica stood up and wondered how bad Culpepper could have been since his stats for the Buffalo game were half-decent: 23-for-32, 250 yards, one touchdown. Fair question. I explained that you really needed to see the game. His completion percentage was high because he was either (A) taking sacks instead of throwing the ball away, and (B) dumping to his closest outlet guy whenever there was pressure. (There were multiple third-and-longs when he completed harmless passes well short of the first down, the kind of throws that John Madden rips apart when you're playing "Madden" because you didn't get to the marker.) Also, his final stats were artificially inflated by a garbage-time drive in the final three minutes when Buffalo was in a prevent.


"Here's how bad he was," I told Paul and the crowd. "During the second half, the crowd was chanting, 'Jo-ey! Jo-ey! Jo-ey! Jo-ey!"


"Who's Joey?" Paul asked.


"That would be the Dolphins backup ... Joey Harrington."


There was a quick groan in the Staples Center, followed by a mortified silence, kinda like when a batter gets beaned during a baseball game.


"Oh, yeah," I said. "They were chanting for Joey Harrington. You heard me."

That rattled the crowd. Finally, Rob from Manhattan Beach stood up and said, "I don't understand ... this guy was the best fantasy QB alive two years ago. He made the Pro Bowl in 2003 and 2004 and threw for a combined 8,200 yards, 64 TDs and just 22 interceptions, plus he ran for more than 800 yards and six TDs. And he's not even 30 yet. How can somebody just lose it like that unless drugs were involved, or a crippling car accident or something? It doesn't seem possible."


I was prepared for this question. My response: Running QBs are like professional wrestlers and porn stars. In other words, it's such a taxing profession on so many levels, and you end up taking such a pounding, there's only a five- or six-year shelf life before things turn sour.


Think about it. The same variable that made guys like Randall Cunningham, Steve Young, Kordell Stewart, Jeff Garia, Aaron Brooks, Steve McNair and Culpepper successful was the one that killed their longevity: Namely, defenses always had to pay attention to their scrambling (which opened up more passing options downfield), but by scrambling 6-7 times per game to keep defenses honest, they subjected themselves to more punishment than the average QB. As they neared their 30s and their bodies started to break down, they realized they couldn't scramble as much anymore, and so did their coaching staffs, which led to two major problems: First, defenses realized it as well (removing their advantage downfield), and second, they were trying to become something they weren't (efficient passers who remained in the pocket). Taking away that scrambling threat was almost like removing Pedro Martinez's slider AND his changeup in 2001, then expecting him to adjust and win 20 games every season.


Look at those aforementioned QBs again. Cunningham had four good seasons, peaked as a runner in '91 (118 carries, 942 yards, 11 TDs), blew out his knee the following season and was never the same. Kordell started for five up-and-down seasons, peaked as a runner in 2002 (96 carries, 537 yards, five TDs), and within four years, he was out of football. Garcia made three straight Pro Bowls, averaging 72 carries and four TDs during those seasons, and now he's a backup in Philly. Brooks carried the ball 80 times in his first full season (2001), remained a running "threat" for the next 2-3 seasons (even though the stats didn't reflect it), tried to become more of a pocket QB, and now he's on his way out of the league. McNair had a longer run of seven seasons in Tennessee, peaking as a runner in '97 (101 carries, 674 yards, 8 TDs) before his body broke down in 2003 (now he's starting for Baltimore and looks terrible). Culpepper had a five-season run, peaked as a runner in 2002 (105 carries, 609 yards, 10 TD's), and within three seasons, he was a complete mess.


Only Young excelled for a prolonged stretch: Seven straight Pro Bowl seasons before concussions did him in. (By the way, notice how these running QBs keep getting hurt?) As Young's career evolved, he picked his spots with scrambling and became more of a pocket QB, something Donovan McNabb is mastering now and Michael Vick can't seem to grasp at all; he's even going the other way and running MORE. The thing is, you can't keep scrambling in the 21st century, not with 350-pound behemoths flying around and smelling blood every time a QB leaves his pocket. Mark Brunell (80 carries in his second full season) realized this almost immediately, that's one of the reasons he's still playing. McNabb realized it, too. Vick is still in denial. And Culpepper realized it too late.


"So you think Culpepper will be out of the league in a few seasons?" Rob from Manhattan Beach asked.


"All evidence suggests that he will," I said. "He used to be a force of nature -- threw the ball 60 yards, scrambled for extra time, barreled over 300-pound lineman for first downs, always made 3-4 "Wow!" plays per game (with help from Moss). Now he's just a pocket QB with a bum knee who makes too many mistakes. He'll have some good weeks and some bad weeks, but I don't see him ever being an elite guy again. And history seems to agree."


Dickie from Monrovia stood up: "So if we took Culpepper this season, we're screwed?"


"Yup," I nodded. "Pretty much."


Everyone groaned. I took questions for another 20 minutes, then we broke off into groups and did our exercises. At 10 p.m., everyone left except for a few dozen disgruntled owners who tried to get a LaMont Jordan spinoff support group launched. While I was driving home, I couldn't help but wonder what will happen if Culpepper submits another stinkbomb this Sunday, or if the Dolphins' crowd derisively chants "Jo-ey! Jo-ey!" for four quarters? Forget that we'd have to move next week's meeting to the Rose Bowl ... will that finally finish Culpepper's career as a starting QB? Will our long national nightmare be over? And most importantly, should I be more or less excited for the Chris Chambers Roto Era with Joey Harrington involved?


One thing's for sure: There are nearly 1,600 players in the National Football League, but it's hard to imagine anyone who's affected more fans than Culpepper. Minnesota fans are delighted he's gone. Miami fans are suddenly terrified that he's there. Gamblers have been burned by him to the point that it should be illegal to throw any Culpepper team into a tease. Everyone who had him in a 2005 fantasy league is still recovering, and everyone who has him or Chambers in 2006 is panicking as we speak. He even helped ruin the promising concept of having bachelor parties on chartered yachts. Add everything up and he's been the single most influential player in the league. Remember the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game? Now we have "One Degree of Daunte Culpepper."


Of course, he could solve every problem by just becoming a good quarterback again. Culpepper's defenders argue that we shouldn't give up on him yet, that he's still getting comfortable with a surgically repaired knee. After last weekend's loss to Buffalo, even Bills linebacker London Fletcher told reporters, "He's not healthy, he's not the same guy I've seen."


And that would be fine ... except it doesn't explain why Culpepper played so poorly last season. Maybe he's not healthy yet, but he's also not the same guy London Fletcher remembers. That guy is long gone. Someday, we're even going to realize it.

[CosmonautLaunchPad]

Damn you Sdot. Another long ass I ain't readin that shit article but I had to read it because it's about the fins. The fantasy thing is true. If Chambers had fallen to us in my keeper league we were going to snag him, and I nearly cried when someone grabbed him before it was our pick. Now I'm extremely thankful, because we took Plaxico Burress and he's playing better than our number one WR.

Anyway, this week is a win win as far as I'm concerned. Either Daunte gets it back on track and gets some of his confidence back or he plays bad against the lowly Titans and proves he needs to get benched.

[vinnypunditsheros]

He burned my ass last year in a fantasy league. But I just picked him up off of waivers in that same league because Miami's playing Tennessee. My other QB's are Delhomme (ten total points) and Losman (15th round pick and 16 total points). Until Steve Smith can play I'm in QB trouble.

So I'm using Culpepper against the Titans Sunday. Know what that means? Five picks, no TDs. Watch.

[s dot carter]

vinnypunditsheros said:

He burned my ass last year in a fantasy league. But I just picked him up off of waivers in that same league because Miami's playing Tennessee. My other QB's are Delhomme (ten total points) and Losman (15th round pick and 16 total points). Until Steve Smith can play I'm in QB trouble.

So I'm using Culpepper against the Titans Sunday. Know what that means? Five picks, no TDs. Watch.

Wow, he was so bad that somebody cut him in your league?? Thats amazing

[s dot carter]

www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/football/pro/dolphins/sfl-sphyde02oct02,0,1958443.column?coll=sfla-dolphins-front

HYDE: Odd play seals Dolphins' fate
Two-point conversion attempt is weird at best, foolhardy at worst.

HOUSTON -- The Reliant Stadium top was closed, so you know the call couldn't be attributed to sunstroke. And Daunte Culpepper had just led two straight scoring drives in his first hot stretch as a Dolphin, so you know he wasn't asked to do anything on the play because he was hurt. Or tired. Or, well, had sunstroke.

Actually, Culpepper said, he was asked to do something on the two-point conversion attempt that sunk Sunday for good.

"I had to block," he said. "I was supposed to make a block."

So that's why they're paying him $50 million. To block someone with a game on the line. And that's why running back Ronnie Brown was the No. 2 pick in the draft. To throw a pass even if he's never played quarterback in his life.

And is this really what Dolphins offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey thinks of his talent -- that he must resort to some tricked-up gimmick to beat the league's absolute worst defense?

Frankly, everything would have made more sense if sunstroke was involved.

And my favorite paragraph, the conclusion of the article:

The Marlins season ended Sunday. The Dolphins' doesn't look far behind.

[CosmonautLaunchPad]

Yeah they suck. I'm still holding out hope that Nick Saban can give some kind of amazing speech like he did last year and the team will win it's next 10 games. Time to bench Culpepper.