Post by CosmonautLaunchPad on Dec 11, 2006 8:25:55 GMT -5
I would have posted the tree fort story, but I think it was destroyed with the old BevelWagon. This one was a classic as well - I nominate Bonafide's story of "Cadillac wingin an NVA regular" for post of the year:
First off, it was a NVA regular that Cadillac winged not a Numbah 10 VC. VC were like guerilla fighters while the NVA were soldiers in North Vietnam's army. Anyway, Cadillac did scream CHEW HOY MUVAGeneral Tso's ChickenA! about the same time as he took the shots that winged the dink. But you gotta figure that Cadillac was a spade from Kociusko, Mississippi plus the dumb motherGeneral Tso's Chickener couldn't even properly pronounce the name of where he was from. So you combine Cadillac's accent with his, uh, vast knowledge of the Vietnamese dialect and you might suspect what the gook actually heard. Anyway, the problem really was the .38 caliber Smith & Wesson Combat Masterpiece (of poop) that Cadillac used to shoot the dink. Cadillac got the piece (of poop) off a dead slope a couple of months before...which really General Tso's Chickening says something right there about the effectiveness of the piece (of poop). But Cadillac loved the gun and used to spend hours cleaning it and polishing it and playing fast-draw and constantly talking about "my muvaGeneral Tso's Chickenin' Combat Masterpiece (of poop)." But what really almost got our asses greased that day was Cadillac's absolute love of C a n a d i a n Club whiskey and gook slot."Gotsta gets me a coupla CCs and somes muvaGeneral Tso's Chickenin' dink trim," was my man's eloquent invitation to accompany him in sashaying about the countryside. General Tso's Chicken. You gotta understand that Quang Tri was like only 20 miles from the DMZ….. and the ENTIRE NORTH VIETNAMESE GODDAM ARMY. Cadillac and me lurking about up near the DMZ looking for slot would probably be today’s equivalent of taking a Humvee (another piece of poop) out on the town in Baghdad some dark night looking for tail. But…… poop…. slot is slot…. “gotsta haves it”…as my man would frequently relate. Anyway, the other two items that Cadillac really loved were KOOL menthol cigarettes and Miller High Life beer. “Gimme boxa KOOL and somes movaGeneral Tso's Chickenin’ Miller High Life” I recall Cadillac politely requesting hundreds of times in scores of different venues.
Now Cadillac’s job on our track was to run the .50 cal which was like mounted on top of the sumbizzle. Cadillac loved the .50 cal but not as much a he loved “my muvaGeneral Tso's Chickenin’ Combat Masterpiece.” Anyway a .50 cal is a pretty awesome weapon. The bullet like weighs about half a pound and the sumbizzle fires about 500 bullets a minute. Tear up some gook ass for damn sure. So maybe we get in a little poop. Well, Cadillac would first let fly with the .50 cal and then later start yelling at the top of his lungs “CHEW HOY MUVAGeneral Tso's ChickenAS” “CHEW HOY MUVAGeneral Tso's ChickenAS” which was kinda oxymoronic ‘cause gooks can’t really surrender good if their dead.
Anyway, so that’s the story about the NVA regular that Cadillac winged in the shanty bar
while we were lurking about the countryside up near the DMZ looking for dink slot,
“boxa KOOL and somes CCs and Miller High Lifes.” The NVA regular a$$hole just
plain ruined the whole trip. But, what the General Tso's Chicken…….. I mean things coulda’ turned out a
whole lot worse.
First off, it was a NVA regular that Cadillac winged not a Numbah 10 VC. VC were like guerilla fighters while the NVA were soldiers in North Vietnam's army. Anyway, Cadillac did scream CHEW HOY MUVAGeneral Tso's ChickenA! about the same time as he took the shots that winged the dink. But you gotta figure that Cadillac was a spade from Kociusko, Mississippi plus the dumb motherGeneral Tso's Chickener couldn't even properly pronounce the name of where he was from. So you combine Cadillac's accent with his, uh, vast knowledge of the Vietnamese dialect and you might suspect what the gook actually heard. Anyway, the problem really was the .38 caliber Smith & Wesson Combat Masterpiece (of poop) that Cadillac used to shoot the dink. Cadillac got the piece (of poop) off a dead slope a couple of months before...which really General Tso's Chickening says something right there about the effectiveness of the piece (of poop). But Cadillac loved the gun and used to spend hours cleaning it and polishing it and playing fast-draw and constantly talking about "my muvaGeneral Tso's Chickenin' Combat Masterpiece (of poop)." But what really almost got our asses greased that day was Cadillac's absolute love of C a n a d i a n Club whiskey and gook slot."Gotsta gets me a coupla CCs and somes muvaGeneral Tso's Chickenin' dink trim," was my man's eloquent invitation to accompany him in sashaying about the countryside. General Tso's Chicken. You gotta understand that Quang Tri was like only 20 miles from the DMZ….. and the ENTIRE NORTH VIETNAMESE GODDAM ARMY. Cadillac and me lurking about up near the DMZ looking for slot would probably be today’s equivalent of taking a Humvee (another piece of poop) out on the town in Baghdad some dark night looking for tail. But…… poop…. slot is slot…. “gotsta haves it”…as my man would frequently relate. Anyway, the other two items that Cadillac really loved were KOOL menthol cigarettes and Miller High Life beer. “Gimme boxa KOOL and somes movaGeneral Tso's Chickenin’ Miller High Life” I recall Cadillac politely requesting hundreds of times in scores of different venues.
Now Cadillac’s job on our track was to run the .50 cal which was like mounted on top of the sumbizzle. Cadillac loved the .50 cal but not as much a he loved “my muvaGeneral Tso's Chickenin’ Combat Masterpiece.” Anyway a .50 cal is a pretty awesome weapon. The bullet like weighs about half a pound and the sumbizzle fires about 500 bullets a minute. Tear up some gook ass for damn sure. So maybe we get in a little poop. Well, Cadillac would first let fly with the .50 cal and then later start yelling at the top of his lungs “CHEW HOY MUVAGeneral Tso's ChickenAS” “CHEW HOY MUVAGeneral Tso's ChickenAS” which was kinda oxymoronic ‘cause gooks can’t really surrender good if their dead.
Anyway, so that’s the story about the NVA regular that Cadillac winged in the shanty bar
while we were lurking about the countryside up near the DMZ looking for dink slot,
“boxa KOOL and somes CCs and Miller High Lifes.” The NVA regular a$$hole just
plain ruined the whole trip. But, what the General Tso's Chicken…….. I mean things coulda’ turned out a
whole lot worse.
